Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
