I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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