I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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