Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
