im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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