I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
