that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize