i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
