like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
