Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
