my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
