Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
