take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
