Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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