I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
