I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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