i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
