I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
