Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
