dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
