I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm passing your future prison.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
