it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
