so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
