you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
