I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
