His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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