I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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