I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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