so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
