I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
