I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
