I cannot find my penis.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
