i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
