I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
