im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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