I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
