Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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