you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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