Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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