The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize