It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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