I smell stomach acid.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
