literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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