farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
