Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
