I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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