if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize