this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're too hungover to prance.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
