I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
