dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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