I have demons in me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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