I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
