We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
