i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
