I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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