I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
