Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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