Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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