I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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