Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
